Ugh.

I am freaking depressed right now.
I need a 1.75 GWA so I can shift to BS Architecture. ( I don't get it, why is it that students from other universities only need a gwa of 2.00 to shift to archi while students from other colleges within UP Diliman need 1.75 ? T_____T)

note to self:
If I do not get an average of 1 or 1.25 for the 2nd sem, I might as well wave good bye to my dreams. lol. Sorry for over reacting, I'm just so depressed. My 1st semester grades are extremely pathetic.

If I cannot shift to Architecture next year, I might have to just stick with Biology and Medicine. Gah. Life. My parents will never allow me to transfer to other schools just so I can study Architecture. So there, the only thing left for me is to hope that there really are miracles. *sigh*


^Me, saying good bye to my dreams of becoming an architect.lol


And what's really reallyyyy making me feel more depressed is that if only I had Architecture as my first choice then I wouldn't have to stress my self with shifting and all. I had Biology as my first choice 'cause I thought the fact that I'm going to take up medicine will please my parents, my relatives, and I guess just everyone else that never in years thought that being a doctor would be one of my goals in life. Besides so, I was in denial of the stuff i can do and I kept on saying that I am tired of drawing because I have been doing it my whole life. I was like "Drawing isn't the only thing I can do, I need to challenge myself"(and f*cking get a course that has a lot of math and science and everything else that I am not into). Ever since I was a kid, when people ask me what I wanted to be when I grow up I always say "I want to be an architect". Every year, whenever everyone in class introduces himself/herself, I would always say "Hi I'm Celine, you can call me Celine, or Chong, I'm blahblahblahblah, and I would like to be an architect".

I hate myself for having to change my mind at the last minute.

So when I got accepted to Bio I was like "I got Bioooooo. :(" to my parents and they were like "Yay!!!!! " From then on, my dad would always brag about me taking up PreMed to our relatives then they would all say "Tamang tama, pag ako may sakit sa'yo na 'ko lalapit a, para libre check up, hehe." O god

My younger brother was affected too, when we were kids, he was the one who would say "I want to be a doctor" when he introduces himself. And now, my dad tells him that he should just take engineering or architecture because I'm already taking up premed and it would be really hard if they had both children with courses that are too expensive.. And he would tell me "But I want to take up medicine".

Everything's my fault. If I could have just stuck to what I can do and what I really wanted in the first place. I know that I've been ranting about this for quite some time and there are people who have problems that are much more grave than mine, but I really need some help with decision making and stuff. Gah. I already know that "I should just shut up and be grateful because there are a lot of kids out there who do not have the money to study in school". Yes, I am really happy that my parents are providing me with the things I need, and yes, I feel ashamed that if I shift courses I have just wasted the money they spent on my first year in college and stuff like that and that I've just wasted a year. What is my point then ? I am just confused and depressed. HAHA DAMN




So this sem break I have been working on with a lot of things:
+ Fixing my things . lol We've moved.
+ Facebook.
+ Our Year book, yes, our year book, I don't really know why we had the year book committee in the first place. I guess it's because we didn't wANt the same old stuff in our year book and that we didn't want the cover to be the same as the one in our hand book ( we call the previous yb's "enlarged hand books"). I am thankful that most of the members of the yb committee are giving out their effort and time to help me (though they really should haha.) so thanks guys :D and sorry for being a little demanding at times. I hope you don't see me as a bossy leader. I'm trying my hardest to say thank you every time you reply and "sorry" every time I give you something to do so.
+Movies. hahaha

and yes, Tumblr. I've been having a lot of fun there too. :D

So long, blogger, I'll be back when I need you.

Yes, blogger, I just used you. lol jk. I still love Blogger. :D